May 13, 2007
Morning Service
“The One Thing Every Mother Needs To Know”
Presented by Pastor Tim Pasma
Philippians 1.20
This is a special day. It’s Mother’s Day. And I always wrestle with what to do on these days, because we never want to detract from the honor of Christ by honoring others, and yet I believe that the Bible speaks about these things and we need to grasp them in the light of Christ. And so, I think we can do both. We can honor mothers and honor Christ as we seek to connect motherhood and the Lord Jesus.
And so, we want to do that today. I ask that you would bow with me now in a word of prayer as we ask God to teach us and to help us, as we seek to understand what He has for us in His Word.
So let’s pray.
Father, open up Your Word to us now, because it is the living Word of God. And it is that which You use to speak to us. It is the Word of the living God that has the ability to penetrate our hearts. And so, Father, I pray that You would use Your Word to penetrate, to destroy, and to build. And Lord, I lift up to You these who are among us who are our mothers. Who are our grandmothers. Our wives. That, Lord, we would honor them as gifts of Your goodness to us. And Lord, that they would honor You by exalting Christ. So, Father, I pray now that You would guide our thinking. Help us to embrace -- not just in our minds, but in the very fullness of our life – these truths. We pray these now in Jesus’ Name.
Amen.
Do you know the one place that is a fountain of wisdom for living? That’s right, it’s in the checkout line of the grocery store or at Meijer’s or Wal-Mart.
It is! It’s at the checkout line that you find the answers to life! Like:
“The Five Keys to a Successful Business”
or
“How to be an Effective Parent”
or
“Five Steps to Financial Independence”
or
“What Every Husband Needs to Know”.
Wouldn’t it be nice if that were the case? I would love to be able to read “What Every Husband Needs to Know” and in one sitting learn how to be the perfect husband and not have to worry about that any more!
But it just doesn’t happen that way, does it?
However, this morning I will be so bold as to say: I want to tell you wives and mothers “The One Thing Every Wife And Mother Needs To Know”.
Now, you’re sitting there saying, “You’re joking, right?”
No. I’m not. Because I do believe that there is one thing that every wife and mother needs to know.
However, I’m not going to say to you that after today’s sermon you will have the key to being the best mom that you can be and all your troubles will dissipate if only you will learn the secret. I’m not saying that to you today, because we all know that’s not the case.
We all know that wisdom comes as you carefully apply the truths of Scripture to your life over time – all the while, growing spiritually in the knowledge of Christ, joined with faith and discipline.
There are no shortcuts, and I’m not here to propose a shortcut to you. But this one thing that every mom needs to know is an essential building block to the wisdom that is necessary – the wisdom that comes through time plus the application of Scripture, as you learn more of Christ, joined to faith and discipline.
There are some foundational truths, I believe, that we need to know. And so, this morning, I’m going to invite you to turn with me to Philippians chapter 1. Philippians chapter 1.
Now in your mind’s eye, I want you to see the Apostle Paul as he’s writing this letter. The Apostle Paul, as he’s writing this letter, is in a rented house in the greatest city -- at that time the greatest city in the world – the city of Rome.
Now, lest you think he’s on vacation, you also need to know that while he is in this house, he is chained to a soldier 24 hours a day. And, he is waiting for his trial before the most powerful man in the world – the emperor of the great Empire of Rome.
And, if you would have the full picture, he will be on trial for his life. Within a matter of days, he will find out whether he lives or whether he dies. His life – as he pens these words – his life hangs in the balance.
Now, if you’re on the verge of dying, wouldn’t you start thinking about what is really important in life? Well, Paul does that in this chapter and as he does, you find a clue as to the very foundation of his life and work.
What was the one thing that was most important to him? The one thing that was at the very foundation of all that he did and all that he said? If we can find that, then we have – from God – one of the most important foundations for living the Christian life. And Paul draws back the curtains of his mind – I believe – in verse 20.
And that’s where I want us to spend our time, to meditate and to think about this important foundational truth that the Apostle Paul reveals to us in Philippians 1, verse 20:
“I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.”
The one thing every wife and mother needs to know is this: In all that you are, in all that you do as a wife and a mother – you must magnify Christ. You must magnify Christ.
I want us to think about that this morning.
Make it your goal to exalt Christ. God the Father wants to exalt His Son. He has done that already by exalting Him to His right hand after He was raised from the dead. And He will certainly accomplish that before the watching eyes of the whole world as Jesus returns in all His glory and His power.
Paul later says, in chapter 2:
“Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.” (v. 9-11)
But until that time, God intends to exalt His Son. God intends to show the world the glory of Jesus in the lives of His people. Until that time, when the veil is taken away and Jesus suddenly appears and all the world – every creature – bows before Jesus; until that time, God’s intention is to exalt His Son in the lives of His people – that the world would see Jesus in His people.
So, Moms – wives – you will exalt Christ. You will magnify Christ. You will accomplish the purpose that God has for your life – if you are like Christ.
Moms, be like Christ in your submission. “Oh!” you say, “I knew that was coming! You men – you patriarchal guys – alls you care about is beating us women over the head with this issue of submission!”
I want you to go to one of the greatest places of torment. It’s called the Garden of Gethsemane. And in that place, Jesus stared down into the cup of the undiluted wrath of God. And do you remember what He prayed in Matthew 26? Think of this – from Matthew 26, verse 42. In the agony of Gethsemane, Jesus prayed this:
“’My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.’”
And we look at Jesus at that point and we thank God that He was submissive.
Do you hate that word, submission? Why? Why? Is it ever horrible to be like Jesus? Is it a burden to be like Jesus? Was He not submissive? Did He not bow His head before His Father and submitted to the unbelievable wrath of God for your sakes? Do we not praise God for such submission?
The world wants you to believe that submission means a second-class existence. Yet Jesus submitted – over and over – to His Father’s will. And we love Him for it!
Do you want your children to see Jesus? Do you want your husband to see the glories of Christ? Then show them the glories of submission. Be like Jesus in His submission.
Moms – well, let’s look at Matthew 20. Turn to Matthew 20.
By the way, men – I’m toying with the idea of taking this same sermon and preaching it on Father’s Day. Matthew 20. Matthew 20, we’ll start reading in verse 24.
You know the story – James and John want the top place in the Kingdom, and Jesus says, “It’s not My place to give that.” And the other ten are very angry about that. We pick up the story there, in verse 24:
“When the ten heard about this, they were indignant with the two brothers. Jesus called them together and said, ‘You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave – just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.’” (v. 24-28)
Moms, be a servant like Jesus was. For me, this has become one of the most personal and pointed commands of Jesus – for me. This is one that I go back to all the time.
But what about you, Moms? And you’re sitting there saying, “Are you kidding me, Pastor? I’m already a slave!”
You know, I for one understand that. The work of a mother is exhausting work. You work from sunup to sundown. I’ve seen it for years now.
I’ve also seen men who think they’ve earned the right to be lazy when they come home at night. And they think that they can kick up their feet while their wife continues to work. I know it’s exhausting. I know it’s slavery.
But let me ask you – have you bought into the world’s philosophy that continually says – the drumbeat in your ear that constantly says: “Stop! You must stop serving others! Start living for yourself! Start looking after your needs! You’re not going to be any good to anybody else unless you start paying attention to yourself!”
That’s hogwash! You don’t find that anywhere in the Bible!
That same philosophy would have said to Christ, “Why would You die for those people? They hardly ever think of You! They hardly ever think of what You’ve done for them! They’re ungrateful! Why will You die for those people? Didn’t Your disciples abandon You at the hour of Your greatest need? Why will You serve those people by dying?”
It would have said it to Christ, right?
But what did Jesus do? He holds up His death as the very model of what it means to serve and to become a slave to others.
The question you have to ask is this – what is more important to you? Being appreciated and noticed for your work? Or is it more important for you to be like Jesus?
What is more important to you?
I know a woman in this congregation who always answers the phone with this statement: “Oh, hi! What can I do for you?”
Moms – like Christ – be devoted to the will of God. Be devoted to the will of God. John chapter 4, verse 34. Jesus is talking to the woman of Samaria. They’re at that well, and the disciples have gone off to get some food. They come back, with some food, and here’s what Jesus said to them:
“’My food,’ said Jesus, ‘is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work.’”
“My food is to do the will of Him who sent me and to finish His work.” How long would you last without eating anything? I know some of you are saying, “Well, Pastor, you’d last at least three weeks!” [laughter] Well… okay.
But let’s face it – if we didn’t eat, we would die. Food is the very stuff of your existence. It determines whether you’re going to be profitable or not, isn’t it? Take away food for awhile, and you become weak and emaciated and you can not do anything. It determines everything.
Hear what Jesus says. He says His very existence depends on the will of the Father. His life is determined by the will of the Father.
Jesus says that everything about Him is determined by the will of God, His Father. Everything that He does, everything that He says, everything that He thinks is determined by the will of His Father.
Now, women, let me ask you a question. Where do you find meaning?
Where do you find meaning? Does the superwoman model dictate how you think about what’s important? You know the superwoman model that says, “I’ve got to be a fantastic mom at home and I’ve got to be a wonderful career-driven person outside the home. I’ve got to do it all.” And if you can’t do it all, what do you think of yourself?
I’ve got to ask you – are you devoted to the will of God. Is your meaning determined by that model, or by the will of God?
What about the feminist agenda? The agenda that says, “Do you believe that real meaning for you as a woman is found in doing what you’re doing? No – real meaning is found in doing real work and pursuing a real career.”
I never get over that. I think of some of those feminists, and I say, “You want to see real work? Then come to my house, and watch someone who has to do real work for six children and a husband.”
But what determines your meaning? The philosophy out there that says, “You need to do real work and pursue a real career?”
Are you devoted to the will of God when it comes to understanding how you fit in the world? God places a high priority on women being their husband’s helper and co-worker. God places a high priority -- He places a high value on a quiet and gentle spirit.
The world would spit in your face for saying that. But I find in 1 Peter 3 that God says – He’s put it in this term – the very gem that God looks at is a quiet and gentle spirit. God puts an incredibly high value on that.
So let me ask you – Who determines your value system? The will of God, or what’s out there?
What really matters in life? Is money very important to you? How about material possessions? What does the will of God say in regard to those?
Listen – like Jesus, people need to see wives and mothers – they need to see women -- who are devoted to the will of God. Not just in doing what it says, but thinking in the way it says you ought to think! Never forget that God does not just tell us what to do -- He tells us what we are and He tells us how to think! Sometimes we’re rebels in our thought life – even though outwardly we are doing the right things.
Are you devoted to the will of God?
Moms – wives – like Jesus, be gracious. Be gracious.
Look over at Matthew 9. Matthew 9, verse 9:
“As Jesus went on from there, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at the tax collector’s booth. ‘Follow me,’ he told him, and Matthew got up and followed him.
“While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and ‘sinners’ came and ate with him and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, ‘Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and “sinners”?’
“On hearing this, Jesus said, ‘It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: “I desire mercy, not sacrifice.” For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.’” (v. 9-13)
Now, certainly, ladies – you can not duplicate the redemptive work of Jesus. But you can still be like Jesus. And what was He like?
Jesus was so gracious that sinners felt welcomed by him. These tax collectors – these sinners – had been shunned by polite society, as it were. By the religious community. They had been shunned – and yet they felt comfortable enough o come and eat with Jesus.
The fact is, He was willing to eat with them when no one else was. He was not judgmental. He was not self-righteous. He came to help. He came to save. He came to rescue.
How do you respond to your family, moms? How do you respond to those rebellious little children? Oh, they’re rebels. Oh, I know they’re rebels, because they’re born with crooked hearts.
You know, in our church, we stand tall on the doctrine of total depravity – and yet, sometimes, I fear we act like our children are little saints. And the problem is with us, that we’re not facilitating them enough. That’s what the world is continually telling us.
It’s interesting. As Becca’s had opportunities periodically to substitute in the school system, she came home with this thing. I can’t remember what. It was about Oppositional Defiance Disorder. Have you ever heard of ODD – Oppositional Defiance Disorder? Do you know what that is? When a child refuses to do what he’s told.
It just amazes me. As my friend Dave Powlison says, “It’s a description masquerading as an explanation.”
I had ODD really bad when I was a kid – for awhile.
And in this little pamphlet – written for teachers – it actually said this: “If the child will not listen, the problem is not in the child. The problem is in the system. You’ve got to figure out a way of reaching that child.”
My dad had a real good way of reaching this child! [laughter]
But what struck me was right there in black and white. “The problem is not with the child. The problem is with the system” – the educational system. Your way of doing things in the classroom needs to change. Not the child, but the system needs to change.
And we’ve bought into that! And I brought that up just to say: “Children are depraved!”
But Jesus came to save depraved people.
And so, moms, I ask you – when your children, who are rebels and sinners, come to you – do they find one who judges them or one who wants to help?
Now, certainly, discipline is part of that help – but there’s a difference, isn’t there, in discipline? Between disciplining just because you are at the end of your rope and a heart that’s breaking for your child and wants to discipline because you don’t want him to reap the fruits of being what Proverbs calls a fool. There’s a world of difference.
Can they find a welcoming person? Do they know – even though they know, and you’ve taught them they are sinners – that they will find help from you? You see, sinners came to Jesus. I don’t think He pussy-footed around with them. I think He told them they were sinners. But He was so gracious that sinners still came to Him.
You reflect the character of Christ in His grace.
Now, we could go on and on, couldn’t we? You’re saying, “Man, Pastor, if you’re going to go through all the Gospels and show us Jesus, we’re going to be here for three weeks!”
Okay, we’ll stop there. Those are just some things to think about. To meditate on.
But the point is – exalt Christ. Make it your goal to exalt Christ. Make it your goal to exalt Christ no matter what.
Make it your goal to exalt Christ no matter what. Now what you see in this verse, Philippians 1.20, is that no matter what happened to him, Paul wanted the world to see Christ. He said:
“I want Christ to be exalted in my body whether by life or by death.”
That is an incredibly radical statement! Now, I know you’ve heard me say this before, but if I was in Paul’s place, I would not be saying, “I want Jesus to be exalted!”
I hope I would say this, but knowing my own heart, I don’t think I would say, “It doesn’t matter what happens to me. I want Christ to be exalted!” I’d be saying, “Hey! Let’s get the best attorney here! I don’t want to die!” All right?
But you know what he says? He says this:
“If I live – and I’m released – I’m going to exalt Christ with further ministry for Him. If I die, I don’t want to be a coward. I don’t want to be angry. I don’t want to be bitter, because justice was miscarried in my case and I suffered unjustly.”
That’s not what he says. Do you see what he tells you here?
“What happens to me is not important, because people seeing Jesus in me far surpasses any concern I have for myself and what happens to me.”
Do you see that? He says:
“What happens to me is not the important point here! The important point is that they see Jesus! Okay, if I live, I want them to see Jesus! If I die, I want them to see Jesus!”
What a radical statement! He is saying, “It doesn’t matter what happens to me! The only thing that matters is that Christ be seen in me!”
No matter what your husband is like. No matter how your children behave. No matter if you have a modest house. No matter if you don’t have much money. No matter if you don’t receive much public recognition.
You want people to see Jesus more than anything! That’s got to drive you!
No matter what my circumstances – whether life or death or anything in between – I want people to see Jesus.
But what we want to do is to put conditions on that, and so problems get worse. “I’ll be like Jesus if you become like Jesus.” That’s normally how it goes.
“I’ll become like Jesus if you do.”
I’ll never forget – this is burned in my mind, and I’ve been in ministry long enough and Biblical counseling long enough to actually say that I’ve counseled hundreds of people now. Sometimes I see people at a ball game somewhere and someone will say, “Hello, Pastor Tim!” And I’ll look at them and I’ll go, “I know that person.” It’s because I’ve sat with them for awhile.
After all those, there is one that is indelibly impressed upon my mind. Where this one woman sat there and said, “I will be a submissive wife. I will be the lover he wants me to be. I will be a gracious woman – if he starts to change.”
You see, Paul says, “I want them to see Christ no matter what.” No matter what! Even if he doesn’t change, you can be like Christ!
One major problem I’ve observed is what I call “The Dream”. Now, women – I have observed this enough to know that women sometimes, if not most of the time, you are plagued by “The Dream”. It goes like this:
“I want a knight in shining armor who rescues me. Who protects me. Who is a leader – but! Not a tyrant, and not a wimp. Who understands my deepest needs, even without me saying anything. I want a man who knows how hard I work for him and the children. Who is intelligent and loves to read and would love to spend hours listening to my ideas. And who also has the ability to fix anything that goes wrong and to build anything that we need.”
Ooooh, I certainly hope I see flickers of recognition out there. Because I have seen this over and over and over again. And because he’s not that way, you are tempted to be bitter and say unkind and mean things to him – along with letting him know just how disappointed you are in him as a man, and a husband, and a father.
You know what? When couples come to me and they begin by telling me just how bad the other one is… It always starts that way. You know, I start out something like this:
“What’s the main problem, as you see it?”
You know what the answer, almost 99% of the time is? It’s this:
“It’s that person sitting next to me! That’s the problem!”
And I respond this way:
“Okay. I’ve heard this. I’ve heard it all now. You know what? You’ve missed a great opportunity.”
And they look at me, and they say:
“What?”
I say:
“You’ve missed the opportunity -- in all the hardship and all the difficulty and all the disappointment – to show Jesus to your spouse. You had an opportunity – in all the failures of your spouse – you had an opportunity of showing that person Jesus Christ.”
And that’s where we start. Are you wanting to be like Jesus more than him or her changing?
You see, the bottom line is: Do you want to exalt Christ no matter what? No matter what your husband is like – and especially since he does not meet your expectations – you still make it your goal to be like Jesus.
Do you struggle with the problem of dream children? Do you know what those are? Children who say: “Yes, Mommy. I will do that right away.” [laughter] “I understand why you’re telling me to do that, and so I will do that. Right away.”
And when you don’t get your dream children, what happens?
What if your house is not what you’ve always wanted it to be? Do you find yourself complaining because life is not turning out the way that you wanted? Do you apologize to the children for the fact that you can’t get them everything they want? Do you get bitter because you just don’t ever seem to have enough money? Or do you take the opportunity to exalt Christ in that situation?
See, that’s what you should be thinking! What are your life and death issues? You know, the life and death issues –Paul says, “No matter what – by life or death – I want to exalt Christ.”
What are your life and death issues that seem to get in the way? Where you need to say, “It doesn’t matter what’s going on, I need to be like Christ!”
Make it your goal to exalt Christ with eagerness. With eagerness! Do you notice what he says?
“I eagerly expect and hope…”
Paul had an expectation – an eagerness to exalt Christ in his situation.
Are you eager to accomplish that? Do you desire this above all else? Do you give it much thought? Do you pray for it? Do you bring yourself – listen! Do you bring yourself under the preaching of the Word of God and the fellowship of the saints in order to strengthen you for the task of being like Christ in a difficult home?
By the way, I’m looking at your faces and I know you all live in difficult homes. You know why I know that? Because every one of you is still fighting the remaining corruption of sin, and that always messes things up, doesn’t it?
So do you subject yourself to the preaching of the Word and the fellowship of the saints to strengthen you for the task? Are you willing to cultivate that in your life? Certainly, it’s not going to happen overnight, is it?
What I’m saying here is foundational, but it’s not going to happen overnight. You’ve got to determine – you’ve got to want to cultivate it. That’s what you’ve got to desire more than anything else.
Now, here’s the question – why? Why should you be eager for that task? You say, “Pastor Tim, what you’ve told me is impossible!”
And I say to you, “Yes, it is. It is, isn’t it? Except for the grace of God.”
That’s the one factor that people don’t seem to remember. The grace of God can reach into the most difficult of situations and change people.
Why should you do that? Because Jesus died so that you would exalt Him. You can not come to the cross and walk away unmoved unless something is terribly wrong.
Part of our problem is, we don’t spend enough time at the foot of the cross. We don’t see Jesus hanging on a cross, because I’ve been angry with my children. That required the death of the Son of God. Those nagging, mean, unkind words you whispered to your husband the other day required the death of His Son.
Why should you give yourself to the task? Because Jesus died for you! That’s why! Because He died for people who didn’t deserve it! He gave Himself so that we would live differently. And God exalted Him to the highest place because He died for people like us. And so, you ought to exalt Him now, because of what He has done for you.
Now, is this some kind of secret for being a successful wife and mother? Is this a key to success? And I say to you, “No! It’s not the key. It’s not ‘The One Thing We All Need To Know And Everything Is Going To Fall Into Place’.” No.
But let me suggest to you this – you have here two necessary ingredients for life. The first is this – this is the necessary foundation for your growth as a Christian.
It is the necessary foundation for your growth as a Christian, who happens to be a mother and a wife. Unless you want to exalt Christ, you will not make progress in your growth. You must want to exalt Christ. You must want people to see Jesus.
If you get it in your head, “Okay, I am going to magnify Christ in my body whether by life or by death”… if that becomes your driving force, then you will be able to learn more truth. You will be able to discipline yourself. You will be able to, with faith, look on Jesus and grow. You must want to exalt Christ.
The second thing is this – this is a necessary foundation for a life of worship. You see, exalting Christ goes beyond being a good mom. This isn’t about learning a nifty little technique in order to be a better mom. That is not what this is about. It means that you become this for the purpose of glorifying the One Who redeemed you.
Do you want to live a life of worship? Then live a life that says this: “I’m going to magnify Christ in my body, no matter what the circumstances. I want Christ to be seen, because I want people to see the power of the redemption that Jesus has accomplished. I want them to see that I am one of His redeemed ones.”
You see, it’s what’s necessary for a life of worship. It’s necessary for the purpose of showing your family how a redeemed person lives.
Listen – make it your goal to exalt Christ. No matter what. With an eagerness that shows the glories of Christ’s redemption.
Let’s pray.
Father, what we’re really talking about here goes beyond learning some secret for being a good mom. Father, we’re talking here today about what it means to show the world what a redeemed mother and wife looks like. Father, make it clear to us today that Jesus, in His coming, in His death, in His resurrection, and in His exaltation, has transformed everything, including what it means to be a mother and a wife. And that, Lord, to live for Christ and to live for this one goal of exalting and magnifying Him, is the only purpose worth living for. And so, Father, I pray that You would impress this upon our hearts. That we might see not just what it means to be a good mom, but what it means to glorify the One Who, by His life, redeemed us. Grant that to us, we pray. For the glory of Your Son. In Jesus’ Name.
Amen.